Aunti M Goes To Texas. . .Briefly

Aunti M just got back from Texas.  Well, more accurately, Aunti M was just escorted back from  Texas.  Evidently, it was important that she get all the way home.  It took awhile to get the whole story as the Rangers weren’t talking, and Aunti M wouldn’t quit making goo-goo eyes at them, but after they left, and after a toddy or two, this is what seems to have gone down. I’ll let her tell it as there are parts of it I just can't say. . .

Your Aunti M still does not see what all the fuss was about.  I thought Texas was the Land of Anything Goes but maybe not.  I just went down there to see my friends and go to their art opening at a lovely little cowshed of a gallery right there in The Heights of Houston, all converted and cleaned up and bamboo planted.  White walls and catered, you know the type.  

I asked Marvin down at the truck stop if I could borrow his Texan Sexans tee shirt, and it made the prettiest little dress, came just below my hooha if I kept it pulled down.  Looked mighty fine with the fishnets and my sequined cowboy boots.  The hard part was getting my hair all teased up, but Martha had just brushed the dog so I added some extra on top.  While I was talking Marvin out of his tee shirt (I sprayed it with Right Guard and it got most of the smell out), I noticed they had some beer can earrings right there at the cash register so my outfit was complete.  Packed it all up in my Harley tote bag with the mud flap closure and was good to go.

My friend Nita met me at the airport in Houston. We go way back.  I’m proud to know her even though she only got the bronze back in ’64 (I got the silver).  We were both crowned  Distinguished and Award-Winning Alums at the Tippers and Strippers Conference held at the Reno VFW.   We did our executive training together at Strip and Tip U in that very city back in the day.  

She still looks good,  that Nita, I will give her that . Even though she is one of my best friends in all the world, I could tell at the gallery opening she was jealous of my outfit.   Hers didn’t get nearly the attention mine did, even when I did remember to keep that teeshirt pulled down.

Your Aunti M knows she is an artist, but of a different and special kind than her friends who make these things you can hang on a wall.  Your Aunti M hangs off a pole and we all honor that for the talent it is.

Nonetheless, your Aunti M is cultured, or at least fermented, and that means I have great respect for other people’s efforts to express themselves.  Well, these friends had done just that.  My goodness. Who knew that you could collect all these different things and hold them together in a box and make people realize something about their inner Goddess?  Aunti M has always thought of herself as a Goddess but even I - and Nita - were moved.

So we were having a good time, and there were a lot of people there and everything was going just fine.  But I got hungry dammit and wandered into the room with the punch bowl.  I tasted it and bleccch. . .so I took the mason jar out of the my purse and was fixing it up but then it needed stirring.  Well didn’t see a spoon big enough but I had Pulsing Purple Peter in my purse.  I was hoping the batteries were still good even though I’d given it a pretty good workout the night before, and they were.  Well, you would have thought I’d farted in church for all the ruckus it caused, and I still don’t understand. That’s how I got my return flight bumped up and those cute Rangers to ride with me.  Lordy.  Two of them: one left and one right.  

By the time they got me home, we were good friends, or at least I thought we were, but they wouldn’t let me have any real drinks on the plane and then they declined my toddy offer, leaving me on the porch and spraying gravel in the driveway.  

Well, so here I am, home early so if you need something to do, come on over.  I’m still a little stung over this experience so I don’t want to talk about it, and I could do with some entertainment.  But only come if you’ve got something to tell and a little something to pour.  I’ll let you know when it is time to leave. . .